my journey entry wednesday june 15th 2016

So today is Wednesday the day before my birthday, I need to back track to Sunday the 12th of June. I woke us roughly around 8:30am and started watching tv wasn't really paying attention to what was being said or anything. I got up and got ready for going to the buddhist temple that I had planned to go with Martin ,but he decided he wanted to spend his first Sunday off mostly relaxing. Which was perfectly fine I let him sleep in.

This was my first experience in a buddhist temple of any sort, slightly excited and very nervous. I drove there whilst thinking about up and turning around or just going to the gym instead. Once I got there and went around the building to find which entrance I needed to take. I took my shoes off before entering the small room that the temple was in. Looking around there were mostly people my age, which was perfectly fine I wanted to explore my new practice. I spoke with no one i went to the front of the temple and bowed 6 times and found a seat next to a lady in very beautiful garb. I truly loved the service and it wasn't fancy or well rehearsed by any means but it was a small group of individuals following the middle way.

The last half of the service was my favorite part, mantra and silent meditation. by the end of it my third eye was warm and felt wide open. I felt at peace with everything in my life, I have not been the same since either. I feel like my true self with only noticing my anxiety and not riding the wave of it. everything else this week is only a reflection of Sunday. it is continuing to raise my mindfulness and I plan on going back this next Sunday. I am doing my best to not attach myself to that feeling I just want to accept that sometimes my practice will be easy like it is right now and sometimes it will be hard like it has in the past.

Part of my practice is to push through the hard time and accept that the easy times wont all ways be here, for the world and universe is all ways changing and I am that much closer to only having positive thoughts. I hope that I can spread the positive outlook to others and with the masses we can change the world. There has been a lot of crazy things happening in the world. Orlando I have not forgotten you and I never will, I hope this experience will help you all to become stronger and not set you back. I send you my Love and caring energies and I feel your pain. I have cried for all  the beautiful souls that we as a nation and as LGBT Community have lost.

If there is anything I could have done to stop such a horrible act from happening I would give my life to save just one let alone all 50 lives that have been lost thus far, and hopefully no more will have this fate. Here in Saint Louis MO, we will be celebrating Pride month next week and honoring all the beautiful souls lost.

So as you can see in this article this week has been a one were I have been greatly happy for my experience in my buddhist practice and yet saddened by the event that have also came with it.    

Christian Buddhist

                                     Christian Buddhist

Today is June 9th 2016                      

I have recently started a semi buddhist practice. I am calling it semi for a few reasons I can't really explain on paper to were it would make any sense. I have been meditating on a daily basis for the past few months, missing a few days here and there. I have been reading a lot of books about buddhism one that I must say is my favorite BUDDHA BY DEEPAK CHOPRA. I am a psychic medium (not practicing) but I do allow messages from my spirit guides. Today I got a message that I found quit interesting and it was to start writing so here I am... and as I was thinking about this i had a title come to mind which wait for it... If GOD MUST HAVE FORM IT MUST BE TRANSGENDER... not at all my belief but just an interesting side note.

I found that quite interesting and controversial none the less I investigated this thought. My belief is to be noted I guess that God is a source and not a person rightfully named "the god source" by some scientists I do believe. Everything on earth and else where has this "God Source" and it has no sex, but for the fact that most humans like to have there idles so be it. I was born and raised and a christian environment. I would never say I don't believe that there was a man named Jesus Christ that died for all our sins. I very much do and I believe that the God Source shows itself to us in ways that help us as humans to understand the big picture.

Today is June 10th 2016

I thought that today I should go in a little deeper in to what it means to me to be a Christian Buddhist. I was born and raised "not very well" but with the belief in Jesus Christ and everything that it entails. Spiritually I am pulled more towards Buddhism, for one who has always suffered to one extreme or the other. I have finally found my partner who allows me to explore myself without judgement. This has yet again brought me back to buddhism and my spiritual practice. I have reached to the point were I wish for suffering to end. buddhism is a result of my internal search to end suffering.

I am looking forward to be able to face all issues in life with a essence of happiness. I fully understand that just practicing in buddhist ways will not end my bodies suffering; for it will continue tell the day my body finally takes it's last breath.  The suffering that I am ready to get rid of now it that of my own creation. This ego that has been created need to become something easily ignored. I do not at this time wish to become a buddhist monk by all means, but reaching nirvana or becoming one with god is what we all seek.  

Summary...
  I decided to post these bits of information since I haven't posted in a long time one of these days these posting like this will be expanded on and made into a book if I feel like people would benefit from it.
 NAMASTE
 May the Greatness in you Shine so all the darkness disappears.

New Beginnings

      Hello everyone I hope you have had a great holiday season and happy new year. January is the month that everyone is trying to change something in there life for there new year resolution. For me it has been business as usual. I have decided to start my New Years resolutions right before the Chinese New Year to start my lunar year off right. 2016 is giving off a since of great change, hopefully for the better. I'm am taking the good habits that I started in 2015 along with me in 2016, I have been going to the gym most days out of the week with one to two rest days. I plan this year to incorporate more spiritual development this year. My soul is has been begging for me to grow in this area.  

   

       Meditation is going to be one of my main focuses in my spiritual growth. It has been scientifically proven time and time again, to help us become less stressed and help with our over all health. I will be looking deep inside my soul to figure out who I really am and what I need to do as my next step as a spiritual person. We as humans tend to lose sight of the fact that we are spiritual beings having a physical experience. Getting lost in the dramas of everyday life and we lose sight of our true purpose here.

       Exercise is a main focus as well for me it helps physically and spiritually. I will be working on getting my certification in fitness and nutrition. I want to get this certification for two reasons. The first reason is to help keep my self on track and learn all there is to on health and fitness. The second reason is to help others reach their goals, to become the best person they can physically and spiritually.

        These New Years resolutions are no small feat in there own right. Starting off slow and building on each little by little is the only true way to make these permanent habits. What I think is going to help me is that I have already started on all of these a while ago. They have already been a small part of my life for a long time. Now I am ready to make them a big part of my life expanding on them a lot this year. 

         As I am leaving you with this, I would like you to look as your self and see what you are already doing right and expand on it, to make it, a bigger and better habit. Well I hope you have enjoyed this article and hopefully it has given you the push you need the change that in which needs to be changed. Hopefully we all can grow for the better and change this world full of hate into a world of love and happiness. 

Meditation

The Way You View Life.

       I am only twenty five years old but it seems like I have viewed life in many different ways constantly changing with my mood and never quite the same as the moment before. My view on life is like my thoughts or at least most of them. They all come from this dark place that thinks it is separate from everything else. This dark place is called my Ego, I am always battling to defeat this evil villain inside me. Emotions that come to me from this villain are anger, sadness, hate, self doubt, and many others the list can go on for days. 

      There is something else deep inside of me that only comes when I call. It is called my Soul, my ego's worse nightmare. My Soul is my connection to God, or the source of all creation. I am my Soul and not my ego even though my ego would like me to think otherwise. I am a spiritual being having a human experience, I try to remind my self of this everyday. I have heard this saying from almost every author I have read from. I am definitely not the first to say it or the last for it does not come from  us but from the one who made us.

I am going to write just this little paragraph on the subject of God. I am not nor will I ever push my beliefs on anyone. God is a quick term to use to describe all that is, all that was and all that will ever be. It to me has no gender for it is not a physical being, it has both masculine and feminine aspects to it. So when I say God it is a quick way for me to describe all that is, all that was and all that will ever be. 

There are many ways to reconnect with our true selves, and to escape the ego that feeds us the filth that makes us sad, depressed, angry, resentful, and have all the self doubt. Meditation is the easy way out the escape from what the ego likes to call reality. Meditation has many forms some find it best in sitting down and saying a Mantra. Yoga is also a great meditation technique, some like to walk it out as a form of meditation to clear our minds of the garbage of the ego, and once we get that all peaceful mindfulness we are finally connected to God.

Once we have connected our self to God we can find peace and realize that what we have been stressing about just seems to fade away. The more we train ourselves to go to this place of calmness we can wish for what we want and actually watch it come true. We attract what we are thinking about at all times and we tend to focus on all the bad things that happen to us. So starting today right now stop what you are thinking and write down what you want, put it on a Post-it note. Put the post-it note somewhere you will always see it, so it can remind you of what you want. When you see this post-it note feel the emotions you would feel if you had it right now. 

We tend to put a lot of emotions into what we don't want and we find ourselves getting more of just that. WHAT WE DON'T WANT! Close your eyes every time you see that post-it note and allow your body to feel the emotions for getting everything you want. What you will find out by doing this is all you had to do is want something bad enough to think and feel as if you had it to get it. 

In closing, I hope that if you got anything from this, that you would just take some time to breath and realize that all is ok.

Frequencies

       Today I am reading a lot about frequencies, and how that is what our thoughts are. So it is basically saying that things on the same frequency attract each other. Here in the past few months I have had my thoughts on a very bad frequency. I have PTSD and Generalized Anxiety, which was caused by a drive by shooting that happened behind me while I was working. 

         Some days that is all I can think about. Having flashbacks throwing me back into that moment in time. I right now am in a contemplation mood were I am looking back and realizing that the one thing in the past is controlling my future. So since I can see it, it is time to change it. I understand that this event was a big life event for me and I will never forget it. I have been frustrated about how it has taking over my life.  So today and everyday after I am going to put new frequencies into my brain to be broadcasted out into the world and allow good things to happen, instead of allowing this negative frequency to take control of me. This negative frequency that is only going to cause other negative things to happen. 

         Positive thoughts are my focus I'm going to write down things I like about myself, my life, and my great future with my Partner Martin. I understand that some days are going to be hard and some days I'll want to forget about it all together. That is why I will I trust in someone that will no matter what remind me to look at the things I have written. These things that I am thankful for. I will also start praying for the people that have it worse then I do. Feel free to message me if you need prayers. These new thoughts and actions will cause me to have a positive frequency that will create positive events in my life to occur. I started this post after taking a nice long jog, exercise creates positive thoughts and actions! I hope you enjoy, and would love your feed back.   

Chapters

      I as everyone does have chapters in our lives. These chapters are more like stages of self recognition or discovery. All throughout my life I remember me looking for more then what is there. I for some reason have always felt like I spiritually need to grow more in this lifetime. This feeling has made it hard to just live a normal life without searching for something more. 
     When I was just a little boy I felt a lot older the I am. I still to this day look at people my own age as little kids. Every now and then I find what I see an old soul and they are close to my age and I see them as a peer. Is it that spiritually I am that much older then my peers, is my soul that much older? If that is the case which it might be. It would be my duty as a spiritual elder to teach some of the younger souls to look past what is our reality, as a human and see that there is a bigger picture then the drama that we entertain our selves with. Some people can get so wrapped up in the drama that it drives them crazy. When what we should be doing is teaching, learning and caring for ourselves. When I say ourselves I truly mean all of us, as human we see ourselves as individuals, when we should be seeing that truly we are one. 
      Our thoughts are what makes the world what it is today, and as we can see most of us think negatively about everything. Doubt is our worst enemy and doubt only exists in ourselves. If we start to add just one thought into our mind, like the world is a peaceful and harmonious  place to be. We as a whole putting that thought out to the universe, I feel that the world would start to change and become something of a heaven on earth. 
         These paragraphs before this one are in my option very true. I wrote them about 6 months ago, my frame of mind was in a better place then it is right now. I had something happen to me and I am trying to get back on track to becoming my better self. I wake up everyday with extra struggles just to step out of the door, its even a bigger struggle to get in the car. I doctors are helping with medication, but as anyone who knows me can atest that I hate medication. Having put all the power in Gods hands to help me get through this rough time, and being blessed already with a caring and loving man to hold and care for me. I want this plateform and these posts within it to give someone other than me the power to change there life for the better. I feel strongly that by helping others I intern help myself.

Mountains

      It seems here in Earth there are obstacles in which we must get over all the time. I have had one of those you would call a mountain.

       I was working and watched an SUV get shot behind me. The SUV had four people in it and by the grace of God they were saved and the 8 year old boy got shot in the leg and the 26 year old got shot in the butt. So everyone ended up ok. That one event has caused me so much trouble and pain. I now have PTSD and general anxiety, this comes with flash backs and panic attacks.

      I am a strong believer in holistic approach and have been fighting with me doctor about putting me on medication. They have me on something for the anxiety and are now going to be putting me on something for the flash backs. I was at work when this happened and now I am fighting for them to pay for the medical bills. I for one would never have been there if it wasn't for the fact I was working. I went back to work on July 20th and ATT proved to be unforgiving. The retaliation that I'm receiving from them is of course not considered out of normal practice in the m&p. So truly there is nothing that can be done about it the union is paid by the company so it no longer serves its purpose.

     So I am sorry for ranting I have no inspiring messages for the day. Hopefully next time I will be more uplifting and inspire someone to do something, that will change the world from what it is becoming.